I am grateful for the colossal failure I have experienced in my 20’s. I am a victim of domestic violence it happened on May 19, 2019. I dated someone for about 6 months, and I had no idea that he would be capable of throwing his fists at me causing a concussion, two black eyes, the right side of my entire head battered. I am 27 years old now, and ever since this horrendous crime, I’ve grown relentlessly. The reason why I chose to face what came (severe anxiety, PTSD, and depression) was because it wasn’t in my soul to give up although I came extremely close to it during my time in therapy. I felt as though I was riding a rollercoaster with so many slopes, or even a game where I felt I was never meant to win. I did and still am very active in trying to find more ways to find what makes me happy and this is where a new journey started for me. I realized within my depression that all living things on earth experience loss, and that not many people talk about it. It is something that we all have experienced whether it be a relationship, a loved one, leaving a new job for a new one, etc.

I felt loss on so many different levels that I had no idea that I was even grieving until I spoke with a therapist and they explained that this is what I was experiencing. With the event that happened to me, I never planned to date, commingle, nothing with any other man—until I met my current boyfriend and man was I extremely scared! My trust had been shattered, not only by someone I dated for 6 months, but also my brother who molested me at a young age and in college. This memory of my brother I suppressed for my entire life had risen from the domestic violence trauma. I was sick and tired of being treated so disgustingly unfair—that it drove me to face my fears even more. I want to be stronger, smarter, and prepared. This is what helped me move forward, is the need to do better not only for myself but for the amazing people that I DID have in my life. To gain some momentum I decided to get into new hobbies. Ever since I moved to Georgia from California during high school, I missed the ocean so much and I idolized women surfers. Ten years later I life right back near the ocean in California and I decided this is the time to check this off of my bucketlist and surf! So I did. It was rejuvenating and theres something humbling abouot being in something larger than you—the ocean. I also read a book called Vibrate Higher Daily, by Lalah Delia. AMAZING. She preaches on the journey to vibrating higher daily, and her traumas and how she delt with them.

I am continuing to read more books around resilience. I also bought a journal called Simply Grateful designed by Steve Potter that has pages filled with space to record things that you are grateful for. In really deep depression, I find that feeling grateful feels diminished due to a lack of hope. When I wrote things down, they feel sealed and official, and journaling in it allowed me to feel free to express what my feelings were towards things in my life I am grateful for.

Lastly, I began to craft handmade jewelry that were inspired by meditation/prayer necklaces called malas. My Instagram @daisy.heals displays the necklaces I’ve made. The process of creating malas is a sacred practice and is used also for meditation. To be able to meditate, craft, and create something beautiful has been the most rewarding act I have ever connected with because this way with every purchase I am donating 5% towards Domestic Violence organizations. I hope that anyone that has experienced the same traumas or similar knows that they are not alone, and that we all can find a new journey while healing and ways to deal with our anxiety as humans. I’ve learned SO much from something I never thought or even imagined me becoming stronger after. With opening my heart up to those around me who loved me after so much time of feeling neglected, it was the best thing I could do. There is no time limit on when to accomplish milestones, but just know that our time here is precious and to use it positively will make a world of a difference.

Thank you and namaste.