This is never easy, coming out and saying someone took advantage of your trust at a young age. Someone who was supposed to be a family friend. Someone you were supposed to trust. My innocence was taken from me without permission. I was told it was a game. Something all kids were doing and I believed him. Why? Because I was supposed to trust this person. Trust that what they were telling me was true and that wasn’t the case.

I hated myself and I still hate myself. I’m finding it hard to love myself as of late but I will say, what happened that night and many nights after that has shaped me into the person I am today. I know I am loved, I know I am needed and I have found strength in my pain. I have found comfort in my pain.

I’m writing this to tell you (and myself) that I forgive you. I don’t forgive you because you have begged me countless times but I forgive you because in order for myself to heal fully I have to forgive you. So, I’m forgiving you for me.

I have found my strength in my pain and I have found peace with my pain. I hope that with forgiving you I can finally find myself and see myself as the beautiful person I know I am.

Sexual trauma is painful and makes for being in relationships hard. I’m 23 years old and I haven’t been in a relationship before. I’ve hardly ever kissed someone. You did that. You are the reason I’m scared to be close to someone. I crave being in love. I want the big wedding, I want the amazing honeymoon but how can I get that? How can I get that when I’m so frightened by someone to touch me?

I haven’t told many people my story but I know I’m not alone. I know that with sharing this letter comes with a slew of people who have been in the same position with me. I am using my voice to help others and to finally help myself. For the longest time I felt that this was my fault. I am the reason you did those things to me but I now know that it’s not true.

I am ready to rid myself of your ghost. The ghost of you follows me around everyday and I hope that by writing this you leave. You leave my mind. You leave my body. You leave my soul. I need to start living and stop being afraid of you.

I am strong.

I am enough.

I am not you.

You don’t define me.

I am my own person.

I love myself and I will continue to love myself.

So, thank you. Thank you for giving me the strength to finally rid myself of this burden. I am so happy to share my story and finally grow into the person I am supposed to be.

You may have taken my innocence from me but you have not taken my spirit. I love me. I will continue to love me.