After going through a hard night, I imagined I could look for help by reading the letters, but what if I could also share my story?  

I have dealt with anxiety for as long as I can remember, but I never thought that one day it would be the reason I discovered a pancreatic tumor—alone, outside of my country.  I’m from Brazil and always dreamed of learning more about American culture and traveling to the United States since I was a little girl. So, I joined the Au Pair program, found the best host family in the world, and met my best friend and soulmate. Anxiety was part of the process, but I was finally achieving my dreams, and I wouldn’t let it affect me—until one day, I woke up with the worst stomach pain, and no medication could help me.  

"Do not go to urgent care"—that was the advice I heard the most from people at the agency because our Au Pair insurance wouldn’t cover it. Days passed, and the pain spread all over my body—my flanks, back, and stomach. I knew something was wrong. When I finally went to the doctor, she said I should have an ultrasound, but since I looked fine, she assumed it was probably just anxiety.  Long story short… they found a mass in my pancreas. Once again, they said it was probably nothing, and even though I was in excruciating pain, they insisted it wasn’t related to the mass—it was just anxiety.

At this point, I had already seen a psychiatrist and was on medication because I couldn’t sleep, and I was driving everyone around me crazy. Of course, I was feeling horrible, but I couldn’t believe this was just anxiety. It didn’t make sense.  Then came the biopsy. When I woke up, I saw my host mom crying, and a nurse telling me everything would be all right. And that’s when they told me I had cancer.  My worst nightmare was no longer anxiety. It was: How do I tell my mom, who is on the other side of the world, that her daughter has pancreatic cancer?  

I spent a full week waiting for the final results, living through my worst nightmare—until the doctor called my best friend to tell her he was wrong. It wasn’t cancer. But I did have a rare pancreatic tumor that needed to be removed immediately.  My life was no longer simple. You’re never prepared to deal with something like this without your family by your side. But I’ll tell you why I didn’t go back home. It just so happened that where I was at the time had the best connections with the top doctors specializing in my condition.

On top of that, I had the most incredible support from my host family and friends—especially my best friend, who hugged me and listened to me every single day.  Thankfully, everything happened quickly. I had surgery in less than a month. And guess what? Not even the tumor could explain the pain I had been feeling all along—except for my anxiety. And as much as it caused me immense suffering, it was also what led me to seek help. If it weren’t for that pain, I might have never discovered what was truly happening to me. In a way, my anxiety, which had paralyzed me so many times, was what saved me.